You Don't Even Know...

Heaven Or Hell?

2009-08-05T01:40:00.004-04:00

Alright so you have two options, you can..

a) Scream at me, hurt me...do anything you want.
or
b) Easily forgive me and pretend like me not posting for a little less than a year never happened.

Naaah, I'm not letting you people hurt me or scream at me, because I am in fact a very sensitive child. But do forgive me for not posting and stuff like that. It's not that I don't like blogging it's just I was a bit busy in my last year or elementary school, THANK GOD!
You guys, you have no idea how much time it took for me to finally get out of there! It was hell! Now I'm officially going to high school. How cool am I? LoL :P

I actually can't believe it. I remember when I was little, high school was WAY off for me. I thought it took ages to get there, and boy did it. Although i finally managed to get through it. Now I'm a...Highschooler?...
No, that doesn't sound good.
I'll just say I'm gonna be in a bigger place now! Ahh, how exciting.
___

Okay so everything that I just said above were my good thoughts about high school :) Now let me show you my other deep deep thoughts..
___

HIGH SCHOOL?!??! You're kidding!
No, nuh-uh..I'm not going. I've seen enough movies about them, and it's like another version of a jungle with killer animals!
Holy crap, do you know the people that go there? They can like tear you apart if they'd like! Especially if you're a niner. That's the bottom of the food chain! One little word that comes out of your mouth and you're dead meat...that's right. You can't even make eye contact with some people or else you could easily start this big fight that can last for WEEKS!
What if the people there all gang up on me? How bad would that be?
No, I'm not going there. That is the LAST thing I'm gonna do!

Yeah, that's pretty much it.
You guys, can you please set me straight on this? I'm like ripping my hair out because I really have no clue on how things are gonna be there.
Will I at least survive?
And share some tips that can help save me from trouble :) I'd appreciate that ;)

I'll try to post again. It is after all summer so I'll have time on my hands.

The scared freshman,
Vanessa<3

Speechless.

2008-10-09T21:59:00.002-04:00

Life is tough for some and that's what sucks the most. I feel terrible now, and have never thought something could happen like this.

I should explain.

During the summer my friend Deren visited his hometown Quebec. That's where he has all his old friends and stuff. Then one night they were having a party and him and I were talking on msn and he was introducing me to tons of people. They were all so nice, and this one girl that was friends with him (Jannett) was talking to me a lot after that night and we became pretty good friends. And I was very happy that I had a French friend =D
Anyway, she added me on msn and then one day she told me that she loved Deren. They were basiclly friends since they were about 7 or 8 and for Deren to hear that his closest girl friend liked him, was a bit shocking for him. So he was put in a very uncomfortable position after Jannett herself had told him that she liked him, and he stopped calling her or talking to her. She was of course, upset so she talked to him and I tried to give her advice. I think everything went well from there...until...

I talked to her again one time.

We were just having our conversation when I realized that she sounded different by her words and all. So I asked her what was going on yet she acted like nothing was wrong. Then it took me a few tries to actually get it out of her.

Jannett : I have cancer.

It was hard to find what to say when your eyes are still, your brain is frozen and your fingers have lost their touch. That's how I felt. I couldn't say anything at all, that is, when I managed to ask her questions. She gave me all her answers straight forward until the last one came when I asked, "Does Darren know?"
Then there was this pause...
...
And then she admitted that she didn't tell him yet. That's when everything got a little tricky and she told me not to tell him myself. I knew that it would be hard for me since I got to school with him and Jannett lives millions of miles away from him. So I kept my mouth shut the whole time. Not one word had come out until she said that maybe it would've been better for me to tell him.
I understood how hard it was for her to tell her best friend that she was sick... very sick. But, people gotta understand that there are things that need to be done by themselves.. and that's what I told her. Although she didn't listen and I totally got caught off guard when I told Darren everything in the end.
It was hard, veryy hard. He was upset the whole day...and even the whole week. But then things started to lighten up. He started calling Jannett more, talking to her. Both of them became happy. And who said that people who have cancer can't smile? Jannett always did. Even though she was sick, I did feel that those two were getting more closer to each other.

So then, I went on msn and I saw Jannett online :

Me: Heyy!!

Jannett: Hey.. ??
Jannett: Who are you?

(I didn't understand what was going on at that time.)

Me: Vanessa.

Jannett: Oh, yeah!! I remember you! Hey, it's Lawrence.

(Then it hit me! Lawrence was one of the guys I talked to on msn when Darren was in Quebec and introduced me to his friends)

Me: Oh hey! Sorry, I thought Jannett was there.

Lawrence: You thought Jannett was here?
Lawrence: Wait, do you know?

Me: Know what?

Lawrence: That she had passed away.

_______________________

That was tough. Hearing that gave me not only a shock but a scare because right then I started thinking about Darren. Obviously, he had found out and didn't come to school for a few days. And when he did, I could see dark circles around his eyes that were all red and swollen. I have never seen anyone as worse as him. And I do feel bad for everything.

I try to comfort him but I don't think it's working, he just wants to be alone. He probably wants to talk to Jannett in his thoughts or something. Or maybe he's remembering everything in the past. But all I know is that I gotta give him space and so does everyone else.

And now today before I started writing this, I was reading the Message History I have between me and Jannett, and realized that I forgot to tell Darren the most important thing.

Jannett: Tell Darren that I will always love him.

xox, Vanessa.

Erasing the Past While Writing the Future.

2008-09-20T18:06:00.004-04:00

Took longer than I thought. Sorry about that.
It's just that i can't seem to find anything to talk about, nothing that happened so far will interest you I'm just gonna warn you before you read it.

So careful ...you might get REALLY REALLY bored,,

I'm warning you ....

___________________________

Alright, well school started like 2 or 3 weeks ago, hard to tell. And it's been weird. There were like a lot of changes with the classes and everything, luckily I was able to stay in the same class with tons of my friends which I'm happy about :)
But then my smile faded when the devil came.... DUN DUN DUN.

It's Cameron.
Since i hadn't talked to him for the past 6 months I figured it would be really hard to start talking to him now. So I didn't.
I mean, we weren't dating, we weren't friends...we weren't anything. So why should i spend my valuable time talking to him?
Haha, well that all changed when a week later when i was forced to sit in a table group with him and this other annoying dork.
Well i was like, whatever, he's not gonna bother me. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! He all of the sudden started stealing my pencil case, binders, books...EVERYTHING. Then he hit me with an elastic band in the fricken eye..and so on.

So techniclly, i was forced to talk to him...sadly :(
I was soo annoyed that i finally walked up to the teacher was like "I hate them. Please let me switch spots with someone else." and she was like "i'll think about it"
And now i gotta wait, and wait....and wait. ffffuuun.

But the weirdest part is that he's acting like everything is okay. Like there was no past between us. Yet I still can't get that out of my mind of how we were dating. Now that i think about it, i can not believe i went out with that guy, he's an idiot. =D I'm saying that in the nicest way possible.

He currently has a girlfriend and by all the things I've heard from people I'm guessing she's not the greatest. But what am I to do in this situation? My one friend is head over heals for him and she's upset over the fact that he's dating her. She's "heartbroken" as she said. :P Oh well ..

And now when everyday hits, one day from the past erases, and surprisingly, I'm not worried about that. Because I'm the one who's clearing it all, since there's nothing really in 'need' of remembering. From now on, I'm gonna look forward not back (sort of what like Cameron is doing) but in my own way =D
Let's grab that eraser and pen and,
Off we go...

-Vanessa. <3>

I'm Alive, No Worries!

2008-08-12T02:26:00.002-04:00

Hey there :)

Don't worry, I didn't die! I'm just here to let you know that I'll post soon.

Just not now because it's kinda late :P

But soon.

I promise :) Stay tuned.

Love, Vanessa

Time Flies By

2008-05-20T19:30:00.004-04:00

yup...you know how my blogs usually start off so...here it is...

IM SOO SORRYY...IM SORRYY IM SORRY IM SORRYY..

=]...hope that'll cover it, if not...then i dont know what else to do. Basiclly, there is a site that i have been going on most of my time and i kinda forgot about blogging for a while seems like time just goes by so quickly, but now i have returned with TONS of updates, soo im gonna list them but im only gonna explain a few.

UPDATES

-had a party for my birthday, invited some friends...and that was the day that Phoebe and Sara got into a huge fight.

-went to Mexico for a week after my birthday and got a sweet tan while relaxing with a cool drink.

-got into a few fights with some friends but managed to handle them.

-my friend Loretta had a few accidents in her family, her dad was in a car accident at night and her brother got stabbed in downtown in a parking lot. =S

-had my final performances for my play and we ended up doing awesome...no one screwed up their lines =D

-and today had track and field which wasn't so great.

so that's about it.

-------------------------

ok and now i'll explain a few...

when i had my party i invited about 20 people including Phoebe and Sara and i thought they would get along great since they were 2 of my bestest friends...but i was soo wrong.
You see, a little while ago before my birthday, they both wanted to meet each other so we decided to all go to a movie and we did. It had turned out to be really great, we talked and laughed and acted like friends, that's when i thought that they didn't mind each other.
And that's when it came to my party, i invited both of them and then things kinda became awkward. By that i mean, they both weren't talking to each other that much, just a simple 'hi' was all they said. It wasn't anything big but when i was opening my present Phoebe and Cassey (remember her? in my first post i talked about her saying that i've known her as long as i've known Phoebe and we are all great friends) were sitting right beside me and once in a little while i'd turn to them and start talking. and Sara justkept looking at us and then whispered something into Loretta's ear. That's when everything started.
It was me and a few friends dancing when i saw a lot of people outside crowded around each other and talking quietly and right when i walked by they all hushed each other and there was that awkard silence. i told Phoebe and Cassey what i saw and they called over Kelly and asked what was going on. And she said that Sara was asking people if they liked Phoebe and what they thought of her and Sara was also saying how she thought that Phoebe would try and steal me away from her. =
Right then, i was so mad that i didn't even look at her or talk to her until the end of the party when i said 'bye'.
At the end of the party, Loretta stayed and told Phoebe and me what Sara said and Phoebe started crying a bit. =[ but after a few days Sara called me telling me that she was sorry and explained what she was doing in her own words. i responded by saying its ok and telling her that next time she sees me spending time with other people then she should tell me rather than go around asking people what they think of a person.
i told Phoebe she was sorry and she said "fine i accept her apology" but she really didn't because one day when Loretta was over at Sara's house, Sara asked Loretta to as Phoebe if she like her and guess what the answer was? Yup...turns out Phoebe does not like her at all! In fact she kinda hates her. Sara took it personally and now whenever she hears her name she starts thinking about the situation.

Crazy friend drama dont u think?...and the worst part of all this is that i gotta be in the middle of it...not so fun once u think about it. i hope that it will end though...cuz im sick of it.

Anyway, im gonna go now...im too tired to write anything else, think ill just go and take a nice long nap. ill try to explain the rest laterr.

bye guys! <3>

He Came, She Ran

2008-03-14T18:28:00.004-04:00

Wanna hear a funny story?

First let me just start off by saying that I spend most of my March Break with Phoebe. It was pretty fun, I met her friend Karlene and we were hanging out playing x-box and stuff. Then we went to her dad's house and I spend the night there. After, I went home homeworking and other junk and I had to go to my mom's work to help her out the next morning. Luckily, Phoebe invited me to this Spring Fling thing that's like so awesome. It had all these rides and stuff, pretty fun. So when I finished working I got dropped off and her dad took us there [which by the way was a pain because he had all these rules but while he was telling us what and what not to do we listened to her ipod :P].

Anyway, this is where the story begins, at the Spring Fling...I thought it was pretty funny the way it happened so I'll share.

When we arrived there we got blinded by all the lights. It was in the Rogers Center and there were tons and tons of rides. We had been there last year but this year there were some new rides that looked awesome. So, we dropped all our stuff on the seats and her dad just sat down with the newspaper in his hands saying, "Have Fun." and I knew we would have amazing fun I mean we had 60 bucks in our pockets, enough for food, drinks and GAMES :O. We skipped around till we found the perfect ride and I gotta admit it was the best one that we had been on there. So we got in line and it was soo freakishly long, we stood there for about a half and hour but it paid off at the end. It was called "Zero Gravity" and you know those spinning things where it's just like a circle and you just stand there while it spins and goes up? Well, that was one of them [if you don't know what I'm talking about then it doesn't matter because it's not really important.]
Then we decided to go on another ride, which looked okay, we kinda thought that we were gonna have fun. So while standing in line I was looking around all bored I saw these three guys standing on our right. One guy was tall and had blonde hair, then there was this little kid who looked about 9 or 10...something like that and the other one was pretty cute, had blonde hair and was a little shorter then the first guy. And everytime my eyes passed them, I caught them always staring at us. And I was like, lmao, it would be funny if they came over and said something. Then after like a minute they went on the other side cutting in front of us saying "Excuse me" and then I was like, nevermind, that won't happen :P.
And even Phoebe whispered in my ear that they were staring at us...and I was happy I wasn't imagining it.
We kept waiting some more then all of the sudden this guy pops up beside us and was like "My friend wanted to ask how old you guys are."
I stood there in shock and looked at Phoebe moving around and thinking What do I say? What do I say? I know that the only thing I did say was "Why?" he didn't answer me though he just stood there staring at us waiting for an answer. Then Phoebe told both our ages and the guy left.
After he did she was like, "Damn! I should've told him i was like 10 or something."
And I said, "Um, have you seen how tall you are?"
"Well," She began thinking, "I'll just say that I am too big for my age...or something like that."
Then she started freaking out a little she was like, "Oh my god...what do we do? Should we go? I don't wanna do this...Vanessa...why aren't you freaking out?"
I wasn't gonna freak out, this is something that I was pretty excited about and I wanted them to ask me another question but THIS time...I would answer. It turned out that another question did come our way except it wasn't the tall guy it was the 10 year old. He came over and was like, "My brother wanted to know if you guys wanted to hang out."
Before I could answer, Phoebe turned to him and said, "Sorry we can't." And I was like What? No, no, no. Don't ruin this for me Phoebe. So, I spoke up and said, "Yes we will." With a smile. Phoebe turned to me shocked with a frightened face on and whispered, "No! Vanessa!"
And right when the boy was about to leave I was like, "No wait, wait. Um-...just say...um....that we-....that we'll get back to them." Finally I chose my words! And he ran to tell them.
Phoebe turned to me and was like, "No, I don't wanna hang out with them. Why did you say yes?" Then I told her that I didn't...I specificly said we'll get back to them. During her panic attack her dad called telling us after the ride was over we were to meet him at the seats. Once she hung up she quickly put the phone in her pocket and started swearing and stuff saying that she didn't want to show her phone because they might see it and ask for the number and call her pretending to be her dad...blah blah blah. I stook there looking at her with a blank face and was like, "Are you serious?" She also kept telling me what they might do and how they can track her down etc. You have no idea how hard I was laughing... I had never seen her so freaked out, it was hilarious!!
Then all of the sudden she was like, "Let's choose fake names...you know just incase." I was like Okay let's have some fun. And I chose mine to be Veronica...I don't know why...I've always liked that name. And she chose hers to be Katie.
No surprise when that kid came again this time saying, "Could he have your cell number?"
Haha, he did see her cell, so she replied, "No sorry, it's my dad's"
Then he said, "Well we have to leave now so how about your home phone number?"
And she said, 'Um...sorry we live in Washington. We're hear to visit. Right Veronica?"
"Right Katie," I said winking making it obvious for the kid that we were making it up, of course she saw it and kicked my foot, "Ow! I mean to say...GO WASHINGTON!!!" I raised my hand saying it as loud as I could. He nodded and left and I knew I wouldn't see them again. I laughed even more after and I couldn't get it out of my mind. I feel bad for that guy though...all he wanted was her cell number and to hang out...but I guess Phoebe doesn't like to do that. She then made me swear not to tell her dad about this because he would be like, "Alright...who is he? Point with your finger...is it that guy? It's that guy right? I'm not going anywhere until I find him. It's that guy isn't it?"....See what I mean?
Then we drove to a restaraunt had our dinner, came back home watched Vacancy and American Haunting and I slept over again!

Now I'm home the next day writing this which took me longer than I expected. And just to let you know when Phoebe kicked me, it left a little bruise of memory. Now everytime I look at it I laugh lol :P...[looking at it now :D]. So it might not seem funny to you but you just had to be there...the way Phoebe looked, how she said things that were lies and especially that night when I slept over, she kept stating AGAIN all the reasons why she didn't give them her number. But I always thought that she was outgoing...that she liked to take risks...oh well...guess she doesn't like to take these kind.

Anyway, I'll post soon...later guys. <3

GOOOO WASHINGTON!!!

I Feel Bad

2008-03-06T22:28:00.002-05:00

Man, dances this whole year haven't been going great, lately they've been soo confusing.
i have another one to add to the collection which was today.
I though it would be an awesome day, remember how i love dances? Well, I was soo happy that i decided to forget about Cameron in there and just be with my friends dancing like crazy. And, i did...surprsingly, everyone started to dance under five minutes this time! i couldn't believe my eyes!:P.
So we did and all of the sudden i feel a tap on my shoulder, i turn around to see this guy Aaron standing there and he asked me, "Um...Ryan wanted me to ask you something." Oh boy, i knew it was coming my way and was now surprised to hear him say, "he wanted to ask if you can dance with him." i stood there not shocked, not surprised just with a plain face on that kinda told him i knew it already. i kept lowering my head every second thinking of what i should say.
Let me first tell you who Ryan is...well...he's someone who liked me for the whole year and still does even when i was going out with Cameron. i don't know if i told you this or not but he had asked me to dance with him at the Halloween dance when he clearly knew that i was going out with Cameron. And, he also kept asking me the whole time if i liked him or not [actually he used other people to ask for him]...of course i said no. He wasn't my type and i highly doubted that i would say yes. So he kept bothering me for a while and it got annoying at that point, i mean even people started making fun of us and i tried not to take it personally. Anyway, i wanted to tell him to stop but i was too afraid and backed out and things were kinda quiet for a little while with all of this. Then, last week he signed up for the Talent Show and told everyone that he was gonna play a song on the trumpet for me...and i was like...ggrreeatt here we go, back on this ride again. And lastly, the day before the dance he flipped a coin saying if it landed on heads then he would ask me to dance with him and if it landed on tails then he wouldn't...and unfortunatly you know what it landed on and i wasn't too happy about the flipping coing thing.
Anyway, back to the dance...so when Aaron asked me that, i thought about it and saw Ryan stand there behind him but before i could say my answer all my friends pulled me away and stepped in saying, "No,she can't" Okkayy, they said it kinda all for me but i think they should've left it all up to me, i don't think i want people speaking for my mind. But then again they did the same thing the last dance so yeaa. After a couple of songs later Ryan this time called my name and asked me if i wanted to dance again. It sounded like he took that "No she can't" as a "Maybe...she'll think about it." So i told him maybe a little later knowing i wouldn't do it and felt bad for saying that. Then he walked away, coming back to me on a slow song while i was sitting all tired out of dancing, he asked me again and i told him that i was going to take a break. When he left and my friends and i waited for another song, we went back on the dance floor and started dancing again happily. No surprise later on when HE came along and asked AGAIN but this time i couldn't make up excuses and i just said, "Sorry i can't" That was pretty straight forward and he just said ok under his breath as i tried to say sorry again.
So then i had my last song with all my friends together and i was feeling kidna down, feeling bad knowing i'd hurt someone in some way until my friends just gave THAT stare and i started dancing normally. Although that still didn't stop me from feeling bad, i walked back home thinking and thinking and thinking. Hoping that after the March Break he would find someone else to go after and not me. If he doesn't...well then, i guess i'm gonna have to do more talking with him.

Byeee.

Quick One

2008-02-23T20:45:00.002-05:00

Gonna make this a quick post...i'm just sitting here waiting for Phoebe to come over, because she's sleeping over and we're going to the movies with Cassey tomorrow to see Fool's Gold.
i heard it was supposed to be good...but i don't know we'll see. Anyways, as long as i'm here i might as well tell you what's been happening since my last post.
Well let's just start of with the obvious. Valentine's was kinda sucky...i mean we had no dance or anything and even if there was a dance i wouldn't be very excited about it. i don't know why but i'm not into them anymore. People keep saying that it's all because Cameron...but i don't think so.
Speaking of him, i did some deep thinking a while ago and realized that i still couldn't get over him! It's just insane i mean i should be FINISHED with him...he should be out of my mind by now but nnooo...everything i think of or see remindes me of him. i don't want to be doing this.
When i see him in he hall or somewhere, i turn around and go the other way...ughh i hate this. I told my friend Kelsey about this and she said that i just need more time to get over it. But i've already had enough time!! It's been almost 2 months i mean how much more time do i need?!??!

*Deep Breath*

Okayy...i just need to calm down. Sorry, this has been bugging me a lot lately and i can't deal with it anymore but oh well, i suppose that something can turn out great from all this...i just hope it's soon.
Anyway, i better go now Phoebe will be here any minute.
If you guys have anything to say, just comment and i'll be reading =].

Latterrr All.<3

Past Three Days

2008-02-05T22:24:00.000-05:00

i don't know if this post is gonna be long or short but all i'm gonna tell you know is that i'm gonna write as much as i can:).
i'm guessing that this is a big shock to you all that i'm writing now...i mean you would probably think that my next post won't be until next month but people can surprise you! i decided to write anyways, i mean i'm a little tired but not quite and i don't have anything to do so why not write a little?
So, since i don't have big news and stuff...i'll just fill you in what happened from the past few days.

Sunday: It was my mom's birthday and once i woke up i wished her a happy birthday. i was thinking about making her breakfast in bed with my sister but that didn't work out because i never had the chance to tell her lol. I got my mom a card since i'm not the right person to pick out birthday presents and plus, my sister wanted to get her something on that day. Right after breakfast we went to Costco and my mom liked this china that had very pretty designs on it and she thought it was too expensive so she decided not to get it. Although my sister was a sneeky one and brought a camera then told me to take the picture of that plate so she could send it to her boyfriend and pay him to buy it from that store. i was of course a little scared because i knew that taking pictures in stores was not allowed and i was afraid to get caught. But luckily, i pushed all my fear aside and managed to take that picture and write down all the information that was on the display card. Then, after my sis send him the picture he went and bought and when he came to our house my sister payed him with her money and my money (some :P) and also he payed himself. Anyway, my mom loved it and she invited her friends to have dinner at our house. It was kinda boring...i mean i didn't really have anything to do...all i did was eat and just sit there, partly listening to the conversation and mostly just day dreaming for an hour, hahhaa.

Monday: Went to school...yada yada yada. Came home and did homework...watched tv...read...watched more tv...went to bed. As you can see not much happened that day.

Tuesday: Had school...nothing interesting was there. So after school since we had no homework, i invited Sara over to my house to hang out and stuff. When she came we went on her Tickle account and she showed me some quizzes and made me take them...they were kinda stupid but whatever, although Sara and i both found out that we were a little emo, hahaa...that's what one of the quizzes said :D. We also decided to make our own quiz to ask people how well they know us...they were pretty hard and weird questions and we took about 2 hours making it for only 12 questions :P. And after we had 1 coke each we began to feel a little high and started listening to Hannah Montana songs. Then, we started dancing on my bed and Sara made up a special dance for the song "Nobody's Perfect" it was hilarious...you should've seen it. I recorded a random video of her just talking very loud and...high, lol. So, at 6 she got picked up and left and i accidently deleted the quiz so she got a little mad :P...but whatever...we can make a new one next time, we sorta remember it all...so yea. Anyway, at 10:00pm my friend Jaylin (well not really my friend, i don't really talk to her that much...she tends to be mean sometimes but sometimes she's alright) called me and asked my some Science questions and i was like "aww...come on...now?"...luckily i got through about 20 questions from her in what seemed like an hour and hung up. And now i'm here :).

Okay, i'm gonna go now...my eyes keep closing every 5 seconds and besides, my mom thinks i'm already asleep right now so i think i better go do that.

Later guys... i will TRYY to write very soon...soo keep commenting...i look forward to reading them:).

Also, check out mari's blog (xo LilMizMari xo) her blog is awesome :D...you'll love it;) its www.thestoryofagirlnamedmari.blogspot.com.

Alright, no more writing for me...i'm gonna go for real now...bye everyone<3.

Bump In The Road

2008-02-03T22:15:00.000-05:00

Guess who's back?:p.
Yupperrss...its the person who doesn't write often..hahaa.
Heehe...sorry if i'm kinda high. i don't really know what happened but i was drinking water and being my normal self until i heard a song that got me to get up and dance like...um...a chimp getting high on crack. Weird example..but i'll use it.
Anyway, to start off i would like to say perfectly clear that CAMERON AND I ARE OVER. It happened pretty simple, like most break-ups do. i didn't "feel" like talking to him that much over the winter holidays because i didn't like the way he was acting. He was just being very lazy and boring and didn't wanna do anything so i was like "forget it" and just stopped contacting him for a little while.
Then on January 3rd, he started talking to me online and i decided to too. He asked me how my holidays were so far and i responded by saying the common answer that most (not all) say, which is "good". i asked him the same question then we talked and talked and talked.
And all of the sudden after about 5-10 minutes of silence he had said "listen, we need to talk". When he said that a strong wind hit me and with fear i knew what was going to happen next (then again don't we all?).
So he started saying how he didn't feel the same way about as before and how the connection just lost it's power and stuff. And while he was listing all the reasons i nodded saying yes and agreeing with all of those things because they were true. i asked if we could still be friends and he said that would be great.
When that was finished i was begining to feel so happy...i don't know why but i guess i wanted to make a fresh new begining. i came to school and surprisingly no one was asking me about the break up and i was feeling great. UNTIL, the next day when everyone crowded around me and asked me how it happened...a few had even laughed at me because i had been dumped. i didn't take it personally at first but then all those comments and questions started to sink in and my smile quickly turned into a frown. i was feeling very down during that week, i couldn't go to sleep at night...the only thing i could do was cry in bed quietly hoping no one would hear me. Everyone didn't like the way i was acting and tried to hard to cheer me up but nothing worked and when i saw Cameron in the hall or somewhere i would turn around and make sure he didn't see me.
But luckily, everything turned around and i was begining to feel so much better a little while later. i realized that there would be a lot more guys in the future and i had nothing to be upset about, and like they say, "guys are not worth your tears".
We are currently NOT friends anymore (well that's what it seems like) and i haven't talked to him ever since the day he broke up with me. i'm not upset...i'm actually doing pretty well. So what if i still didn't meet a guy yet? There's always tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and soo on. And besides, it doesn't matter if i have one or not...that's not the only thing that would make me happy.
Anyway, i'm gonna go to beddy now...it's getting kinda late and i have school tomorrow.

bbyyee..

Oh yea...and if you're looking for me...i'll be reading Christine's blog...that's where you can find me most of the time. Her blog is VERRYY interesting that's why i read it during my spare time. Check it out...i promise you will love it :D. www.ohchristine.blogspot.com

Laatterr<3

Dropped By To Wish You The Best!!

2007-12-18T19:57:00.000-05:00

I still am shocked of the fact that it's December already. The months have gone by wayy fast it's not even funny:P.
Anyways, HI EVERYONE!! Long time no post...I know. My excuse to that is school, again. Nothing really new happened. Just the same old things. I'm not really gonna talk about school because you're not gonna find it interesting. Although, I have had 3 basket-ball tryouts and I have another one tomorrow at 7:30 am -.- I hope it was all worth it though, because I really want to to make it.
In other news...the holidays are coming up!! I'm soo excited!! Two whole weeks of sleeping in and most of all, enjoying the holidays. I have my Christmas tree put up already, and it looks so pretty. I just love sitting down on the stairs sometimes and look at the lights change from one colour to another. And, also looking at the shiny decorations. I LOVE Christmas it's very...let's just say peaceful.
To end things, I wish you the very best over your holidays and you gotta promise me to have a smile on your face the whole time, because what are the holidays without it?
Have tons of fun celebrating guys!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Love,
VaNeSsA

P.S. It's very likely that my next post won't be for a while.

Dance at a Dance!

2007-11-09T17:18:00.000-05:00

Well, Halloween has gone by and I have tons to tell you.
Like some schools (not all) we had a dance on October 31st. And I was so excited because I myself love school dances. In my previous school we had such FUN at dances that I never wanted them to end! My friends and I would dance totally insane and we didn't care...I mean you know the saying, "Dance like no one is watching"? Well, it was very similliar.
So anyways, I was very excited about this one especially because I was going with Cameron. I hadn't danced with him yet and I wanted to see what it was like. After everyone had come in, I danced with some of my friends not knowing where Cameron was but then after about 4 songs...I finally found him! And, he was just standing around talking to his friends.
When I saw him, I quickly rushed to him and grabbed his hand saying, "Come on," then pulled him towards the dance floor. I asked him if he wanted to dance and he just shook his head and said, "I can't dance." After my begging and pleading he still said the same thing and I kept telling him that he can dance but he still didn't listen to me and just kept saying the thing over and over again.
After, my friend Lacey quickly jumped into our conversation and said, "You're such a jerk Cameron. If you can't dance then why did you even bother asking Vanessa?" When I heard her say that I was in such shock that I pushed her aside and moved somewhere else with Cameron. But while I was, I started to realize that she was right, he shouldn't have asked me to a DANCE where he wasn't even going to DANCE.
Oh well...it turned out that I didn't convince him enough to do it and I was kinda upset. But then, later on, he told me that he was very sorry and he promised me that he would dance at the next Dance...and I will take his word for it...if not....then I dunno...we'll see.

Love, Vanessa:)

Life's Going Great

2007-10-13T20:56:00.000-04:00

I know, I know...I haven't posted in a while and I'm sorry about that, I really am. It's just that I've been caught up in school and other things. But, now I have time to tell you interesting news so far.
In my last post I said that I couldn't sleep because the volleyball try outs were on my mind and that I was very scared to know if I was gonna make it or not. Well, it turned out that I did make it and I was in BIG shock :P. There were only 3 grade 7's that made it and the rest were grade 8's. And, our team is actually very good. We're confident and we do whatever it takes to win. So far, we had only one game and...we won :)!! It wasn't anything really big though and we will be practising real hard for our next game.
Now, moving on to Cameron...well...now I can officially say that we're together. To tell you the truth...I really don't know how it happened. I remember though that he asked me out on a date one day then he started to say "I love you" on m.s.n and then that's when it all began.
I gotta tell you that the first date SUCKED!! I'm not even kidding! I saw no point in it. I'm not gonna go into details, all I'm gonna say that it's a day that I really don't want to remember.
Besides that, everything is fine. My life has been moving pretty well, I can't complain.
There's nothing I'd want more...

Love,
Vanessa.

Can't Sleep!

2007-09-25T23:16:00.000-04:00

Ugh, I can't sleep at all. I have been thinking too hard about things that have been going on.
It's 11:30 pm (not really that late but it's a school night so I go to bed at like 11:00 pm). My eyes keep closing ever second because I just wanna go to bed and sleep but I can't!
Some things have been going on lately, like I had the volleyball try-outs today and it was after school. When I first heard about it, I was so excited! My favourite sport is volleyball and I love it! But, when I first arrived in the gym...THERE WERE SOO MANY GIRLS THERE! I'm not kidding! There were about like 60 there, all sharing the dream I wanted and most of them were grade 8's. And I have to say, that they were pretty good. I didn't really see that many bad people, although there were a few. And I did pretty well also, I wasn't bad but I hope that they saw me VERY well. Sooo, they're having a second cut and then after that...they finally pick the teams. That's one of the things that is bothering me because I want to know sooo badly though I highly doubt that I will make it. Although I have to be confident and believe in myself also......BUT....boy I hope I make it.:S.
In other news, I feel that Cameron is avoiding me for some ODD reason. He doesn't talk to me on m.s.n and usually he's the one that starts the conversation. When I started one before, it was very simple...I said hi, and he said hi, I asked what's up, and he said nothing much, he asked the same question and I answered the same answer then he just went offline without saying "bye" or anything. Now, normally that wouldn't bug me...I would like forget it about the next day but when people do that like 20 times...then that gets very annoying for me. First of all, because the first thing that pops into my head when they do that many time I think that I did something wrong and/or they're trying to avoid me. So here's what I'm gonna do...I'm not gonna talk to him either; not on m.s.n not at school ect. I wanna see how long he keeps it up, and if it takes vvvvverrryyy long then I know what to think.

Love.......
Vanessa<33>

SURPRISE!!...I Think.

2007-09-22T22:26:00.000-04:00

Okay, a surprising thing just happened to me I think about a week ago, and it has to do something with Cameron. (BTW I kinda knew that it was gonna happen because everyone was talking about it).
Anyways, I was just on m.s.n and he came on so we started talking and stuff. Then all of the sudden he just started talking about the Halloween Dance and it went like this...

Cameron- So do you know if there's gonna be a Halloween Dance this year?
Me- Yeah! Of course...everyone's talking about it.:P.
Cameron- LoL...I see... are you going with anyone?
Me- Nope.
Cameron- Would you wanna go with me then?

I was in such shock when he asked that!! I couldn't even move my hands. But I managed to type the answer...

Me- Sure:). It's gonna be so much fun!

After I said that I rushed to the phone dialing Sara's number although she didn't pick up the 2 times I called her. And after I finished talking to Cameron for like a few minutes, Sara FINALLY called me and I told her the big news. Once I told her, she laughed for about five minutes asking me if I was kidding. I knew that she knew that this was coming and so did I.
It wasn't that big of a surprise to me but I was still shocked that he actually had the gutts to ask me.
Now some other news, yesterday I slept over at this Lindsay's house (she hangs out with Cameron a lot) and she told me that Cameron is gonna ask me to go on an ACTUAL date. And you know how some people get so excited and stuff? Well I got excited for a minute then once I thought about it... I realized that I sorta didn't want that but sorta did.
This is soo confusing I have no idea what to do!!!!:(
Do mind giving me a hand if you can?

-----Vanessa-------

Likes Me?

2007-09-17T18:07:00.000-04:00

First of all, I just wanna say that I'm sorry I haven't posted in a LONG time...some reasons were because I didn't have time or because I wasn't in the writing mood.
So to start off, I was telling you in my last post that I didn't really like the catholic school and that I would be going to my old school the next day and it happened. When I walked in everyone was like, "Where were you?" and, "Are you sure you're staying this time?" And also, you have no idea how happy I was to return back because I got everything I wanted! I got a great teacher, I'm in the same class with some of my close friends and (my favourite one)....I have my own locker!!:P. Everything turned out like I was hoping and I am very thankful for that. I made a terrible choice about going to that catholic school but I made a great choice coming back.
Now to tell you how things have been going...have you guys ever had that one group in your school and/or grade that gossips a lot and tell each other everything and stuff? Well, it turns out that I have one in my grade though they're not in the same class together. Sometimes when I sit with them during recess I find it very interesting what they talk about. Even though I know that it's all not nice, I just can't stop listening to them. And, trust me...I do not gossip...it's not my style, because first of all, it can spread very fast and I don't want that happening.
So one day, when they called me over during one recess to sit with them, I thought to myself, "Yeah, sure, whatever... I will" and when I did they all started talking about the Halloween Dance and who's gonna ask who and then this one girl was like, "Well, I know who Cameron is gonna ask." And then she turned to me with this face.
I looked at her carefully and said, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Then this another girl stepped in (Lindsay), "It's obvious that he likes you." she said.
"But," I started, "how can he like me? He barely talked to me during the summer, and all this time I thought he was just avoiding me."
Lindsay laughed a little, "Well, you thought wrong because he was trying to ask you out this summer but then chickened out."
I felt all eyes on me and felt like I was the center of attention, "H-he was?"
She nodded and so did everyone else.
"Though he is probably trying to ask you soon." This one girl added.
I sat there not knowing what to think or what to say so I just kept quiet while everyone else talked about him.
You have no idea how shocked I was...I thought that he had stopped liking me but when I dug deeper in my thoughts I found out that I was actually happy that he still liked me and how he tried to ask me out.
And, from me finding out on that day to now...everyone has been asking me if I would say yes to Cameron if he does ask me. Though I gotta tell you the truth that I wasn't sure and I'm not sure now.
Any advice?

Thanks!
Vanessa...

First Day...

2007-09-04T18:24:00.000-04:00

Okay, let me start all the way back to the begining.
So, I woke up feeling very nervous about today...I was soo nervous that I didn't eat breakfast and I was shivering all over. Anyways, I got to the school and I went to check to see what class I was in. And, it turned out that I was in a split class with the grade 8's, my mom really did not want me to be in a split class because she thinks it's kinda stupid and I agree with her. Then she went to ask the principal if she can put me into another class while I went inside the school and stuff.
When I first entered, I realized that there were NO LOCKERS!!! I was sooo mad... and instead, we got hooks...ugh...how I hate hooks. Then after we introduced ourselves and did other things, it was time for recess. And, you know how I was worried about the whole friend situation? Well, I had absolutly nothing to worry about, because everyone quickly ran up to me and told me their names and stuff and I was surprised that I was hanging out with like tons of people!
Then, when I was just talking to them, this one girl looked down at my feet and saw that I was wearing flip flops. She brought her head up again and said, "You're not allowed to wear flip flops here." And I'm like, "Oh, really? I didn't know that." Then, she started telling me that you couldn't wear skirts above your knees and you're also not allowed to wear make up! I was shocked from hearing all that and when I told Phoebe about the no make up rule she quickly said "I hate that school!" :P.
After I came back home, I told my mom that I didn't really want to go to that school and then I told her all those things that I didn't like about it and trust me...there were many! But my mom was fine with it also because she didn't like the split class idea and she didn't want to make me do something I didn't want to do so.......
I'm Staying At My Old School!!!
Sara told me that I'm in her class with this cool teacher and I am soo excited to see her!! I told Sara that I'm gonna walk to school with her so we can surprise everyone because she's the only one that knows the news :D. YAY!! I'm soo happy I'm staying. Oh, and it turns out, Lacey's BIG surprise was....her haircut -_- ... gee...that's a great one :P. LoL.

So anyways, tell me how YOUR first day at school went and I'll be sure to read them :).

Later!
-Vanessa (L)

Two Down, Three More To Go

2007-09-03T20:28:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, this is just a quick post because I couldn't hold it in till tomorrow...
I actually told one of my friends about me moving schools and it was Sara, to tell you the truth... I was most worried about telling her this than my other friends, because I do hang out with her more than all of them.
I'll tell you how it happened (and by the way, it was face to face).
So anyways, she came over to my house because she came back from her cottage today and we just wanted to hang out and stuff. So when she came she started talking more about tomorrow and how she was excited. Then I decided to go for a walk so I could tell her there. We went to the park and went on the swings then we walked through the forest.
I don't really know how I told her but I remember it just slipping out. When I first told her she started laughing because she though I was just kidding and stuff, and then once we came back to my house she realised that I was telling the truth.
She really did not want to believe it and tried to talk me out of it but I told her that I really wanted to try that school and that it wasn't only my parent's choice...it was my choice too. You know how you feel when you wanna try something new? Well I felt the exact same way!
So she finally gave in and called Lacey and told her the news. She was shocked also and was begging me to come one the first day because she has a surprise for me. Hmm... I wonder what it could be??
Uh-oh...Cameron just signed on...he's gonna be the next one I tell... here I go...

V.a.n.e.s.s.a :)

Back To School!

2007-09-03T12:59:00.000-04:00

Alrightie guys! It's time to get out everything because tomorrow is BACK TO SCHOOL!!
I would kinda be happy if I would see all my friends from last year again, say "hi" to old teachers and remember every single part of the school. But, I'm starting a new school and I'm not gonna know ANYONE and I most likely will be lost in there.
Ugh, it sucks starting a new school although I do wanna see what it's like there. Maybe it'll be better than my old school although I highly doubt that:(.
These are the things I am most hoping for:
1. A nice teacher who explains things very well and is also VERY fun.
2. At least one friend that I could hang out with during recesses.
3. An easy French teacher (because I absolutly SUCK at French, I have been having very nice teachers in French for the past couple of years.)
4. A huge gym (I love sports and I would like to play them in a big gym:P)

I might be asking for too much but I'm used to those things and I don't wanna let them go. I hope everything works out though, because I am looking forward to that school and I want to try to stay there instead of me moving back and forward. It's just annoying.
Now about my friends... I should've told them about me moving schools already, right? And I should've done that whole get together so they woudn't hear it from each other, right? Well it turns out...I didn't do any of those things!! If I don't tell them today then they will get soo mad at me for telling them tomorrow when they ask me where I was. You have no idea how hard it is telling them and especially those people who said that they are looking forward to next year with me and that they will hang out with me during recess and stuff. I just want to get this over with!
I did though, tell 2 more people that might tell those people I haven't told before... and then everything might work out...well...at least I hope they do.

-(V) <33

Shopping Trip, Messy Room

2007-09-02T17:39:00.000-04:00

Love this day so far, because I got so many stuff... well not that many but just enough for back to school.:D
I got a black and white skirt, leggings, 2 CUTE shirts, pants and a garage bag which I will use when I go over to someone's house and stuff or when I'm gonna go to dance classes (which I'm not doing now but I'm hoping that later on I will sign up).
Today though started kinda bad... I got up at like 10:00 because my mom woke me up (like always when she's not working) and then we started to CLEAN. Let me tell you this... I'm not those tidy girls who freak out when they see a total mess--....well actually, I am sorta like that when I finally see it but usually I just throw my things around and just be lazy. I do try my best to not let my mom see my room because if she does she will freak out! And start yelling so that the whole world could hear!
The biggest problem I have is leaving bottles around in my room, because I do spend most of my time there and I get thirsty very easily that I take 5 water bottles upstairs or sometimes cans of pop.:P. Then the next morning my mom or dad would come in and tell me to bring them downstairs and it could be like 5:00 am when they tell me to do that.
LoL, it's hard but you do need to keep your room clean because I see some shows like "How Clean Is Your House?" and the houses they show are so DISCUSTING!! It's not even funny. So do try your best because you don't want your room to be like one of theirs.
Anyways, I gotta go now, I'm watching a movie downstairs.
I'll ttyl guys... keep commenting!!<33

-Vanessa

(Oh yeah and *anna*, that's not me in the picture below it's just a random one I saw on someone's site.:P)

Phoebe's Scare

2007-09-01T22:32:00.000-04:00

My legs are killing me, my eyes hurt and i feel like I'm gonna collapse any second now.:P
I went to the lake today with my mom and some of her friends and it was... okay. I didn't really have THAT much to do. Just sit there, tan and even sleep a little. The water was soooo nice that i swam in it all day. But from all my other camping trips... this wasn't the best one.

Now I'm gonna move on to what happened to Phoebe.
Okay, her parents split up about 2 years ago because her mom couldn't take it anymore with her dad just sitting on the couch watching tv. So, after Phoebe came back from school one day, her mom told her to pack up because they were leaving. She was confused a lot but did what she said and called me right away.
Then, as soon as her dad came home and found out that no one was home and that mostly half the stuff there was gone, he called me asking where they were but I wasn't allowed to tell. Finally Phoebe and her mom called him telling where they were and stuff and they agreed to divorce.
Her dad though, didn't just fall down and cry. He decided to start a new life with a different woman. Her name was Courtney and she had 2 sons. The oldest one is getting married soon and the youngest one, still lives there and basiclly is a drop-out-party-guy. His name is Nick and he swears a lot to his mom and Phoebe's dad and has his own world that doesn't want anyone to touch.
Anyways, moving on to what happened to Phoebe yesterday... well, she was visiting her dad at their house and her dad worked on that day. So that curious girl decided to go into Nick's room and to just look around. Unfortunantly, Nick saw her and asked what she was doing in there. Phoebe was soo freaked out that she decided to make up a lie "Oh, I was just putting away the laundry." she said. He of course knew it wasn't true and went to his mom (Courtney) and told her everything. Courtney was really mad at Phoebe also and just went back to work.
Phoebe got so upset that she started crying and then called me. She told me what happened and asked me if she could come over for the rest of the weekend because her mom had plans. But I had plans too and couldn't let her. So she had no choice but to ruine her mom's plans because she really wanted to get out of there. She wanted to be somewhere safe so she didn't have to toss and turn all night.
She called her dad on his cell and left a message telling him she was leaving without telling Courtney or Nick. Her dad then called her back and I think he was a bit upset because i know her father and he's a combination of a smart ass and a show off... so just imagine him.

All right... I'm gonna go now because tomorrow I have SHOPPING to do. And I gotta wake up early. Well... I'll talk to you later!!

Love, Nessa

P.S. Thanks for the advice! I will try to do that as soon as possible. Wish me luck.

A Little About Me

2007-08-31T15:27:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone, welcome to my blog!
Let me tell you a little about myself, my name is Vanessa although it's not my real name and you guys probably already know why. I was born in Russia and moved here to Canada when I was turning 7. My favourite colour is green and I like to read, write and play sports. I do have 1 sister who is 6 years older than me her name is Alyssa.
I have a few friends and I'll introduce them to you:
Phoebe- She was the first person I've met in Canada and the longest. She is soo talented, and has BIG dreams. She likes to sing, shop, do hair and make up, and loves putting smiles on everyone's faces. We are the bestest friends and tell each other everything. I can get a little mad at her but then she makes me forget it all. She doesn't go to my school and she's even 30 minutes away from my house, although we still have our ways to see each other often.
Cassey- I've knowen her as long as I've known Phoebe. She and I laugh so hard together and she has that persanlity that you know you can never get into a fight with. I do talk to her but I don't see her very often.
Lacey- She is a great friend that I like to hang out with. But, she tends to be a bit bossy and thinks that she is ALL that. She never backs down from a fight and can get very tough. I do hang out with her though i do need a brake from her once in a while.
Kiana- She could keep any secret that anyone tells her. She is very nice, generous, helpful and never complains. Although, she can be a bit quiet sometimes and that would annoy me a bit. She is a great friend though, I can't say anything bad about her.
Kelly- Do not give her a BIG topic to talk to her about because she could talk about it all day. She can be very chatty and she is very random also. It's sometimes funny seeing her talk but no one actually listening LoL. Just Kidding. She is pretty nice though and cares a lot about animals.
Sara- Talking to her sure is interesting. You could tell her something you've never told anyone before, and she doesn't just nod and agree with everything you say, she actually says something back. That's a good friend. I hang out with her a lot and we could laugh for as long as we want.
Cameron- He is the most nicest guy i have ever met. He listens, he tells jokes and stuff like that. He is one of those guys who are hard to find. When I first moved to this school, he started liking me and then stopped when I did do anything. Then I began liking him and then finally stopped because he wasn't doing anything. Now, we've just decided to stay friends and then we'll see.

Lacey, Kiana, Kelly, Sara and Cameron all go to the school that I went last year. But this summer I have decided with my parents that I will be going to a different school, a cotholic one (with no uniforms). I have told only about 2 people about the news but they are not my friends that I hang out with. This means that I have to tell my closest friends the news very soon because school starts in only 3 days. I don't want them finding out on the first day.
I do not know how to tell them and I am really scared too. Any suggestions of what to say?

Forever&Always,
Vanessa