Speechless.

Life is tough for some and that's what sucks the most. I feel terrible now, and have never thought something could happen like this.

I should explain.

During the summer my friend Deren visited his hometown Quebec. That's where he has all his old friends and stuff. Then one night they were having a party and him and I were talking on msn and he was introducing me to tons of people. They were all so nice, and this one girl that was friends with him (Jannett) was talking to me a lot after that night and we became pretty good friends. And I was very happy that I had a French friend =D
Anyway, she added me on msn and then one day she told me that she loved Deren. They were basiclly friends since they were about 7 or 8 and for Deren to hear that his closest girl friend liked him, was a bit shocking for him. So he was put in a very uncomfortable position after Jannett herself had told him that she liked him, and he stopped calling her or talking to her. She was of course, upset so she talked to him and I tried to give her advice. I think everything went well from there...until...

I talked to her again one time.

We were just having our conversation when I realized that she sounded different by her words and all. So I asked her what was going on yet she acted like nothing was wrong. Then it took me a few tries to actually get it out of her.

Jannett : I have cancer.

It was hard to find what to say when your eyes are still, your brain is frozen and your fingers have lost their touch. That's how I felt. I couldn't say anything at all, that is, when I managed to ask her questions. She gave me all her answers straight forward until the last one came when I asked, "Does Darren know?"
Then there was this pause...
...
And then she admitted that she didn't tell him yet. That's when everything got a little tricky and she told me not to tell him myself. I knew that it would be hard for me since I got to school with him and Jannett lives millions of miles away from him. So I kept my mouth shut the whole time. Not one word had come out until she said that maybe it would've been better for me to tell him.
I understood how hard it was for her to tell her best friend that she was sick... very sick. But, people gotta understand that there are things that need to be done by themselves.. and that's what I told her. Although she didn't listen and I totally got caught off guard when I told Darren everything in the end.
It was hard, veryy hard. He was upset the whole day...and even the whole week. But then things started to lighten up. He started calling Jannett more, talking to her. Both of them became happy. And who said that people who have cancer can't smile? Jannett always did. Even though she was sick, I did feel that those two were getting more closer to each other.

So then, I went on msn and I saw Jannett online :

Me: Heyy!!

Jannett: Hey.. ??
Jannett: Who are you?

(I didn't understand what was going on at that time.)

Me: Vanessa.

Jannett: Oh, yeah!! I remember you! Hey, it's Lawrence.

(Then it hit me! Lawrence was one of the guys I talked to on msn when Darren was in Quebec and introduced me to his friends)

Me: Oh hey! Sorry, I thought Jannett was there.

Lawrence: You thought Jannett was here?
Lawrence: Wait, do you know?

Me: Know what?

Lawrence: That she had passed away.

_______________________

That was tough. Hearing that gave me not only a shock but a scare because right then I started thinking about Darren. Obviously, he had found out and didn't come to school for a few days. And when he did, I could see dark circles around his eyes that were all red and swollen. I have never seen anyone as worse as him. And I do feel bad for everything.

I try to comfort him but I don't think it's working, he just wants to be alone. He probably wants to talk to Jannett in his thoughts or something. Or maybe he's remembering everything in the past. But all I know is that I gotta give him space and so does everyone else.

And now today before I started writing this, I was reading the Message History I have between me and Jannett, and realized that I forgot to tell Darren the most important thing.

Jannett: Tell Darren that I will always love him.


xox, Vanessa.